self-care — Interviews with Book People

Name: Katie Frey

Author:

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Publishing Type: Traditional or Self - I took the jump to self-publishing!

Latest Book: Nearly Wed

Upcoming Book: Nearly Her

Last summer, I decided that I would start writing again. Writing has always been my passion and I have written off and one forever. Early this year, I decided I was going to self-publish. Now I have the writing bug and all I want to do is write.

I am fortunate to have a son, a husband, and a full-time job, but all of that makes it challenging to find the time to write. I end up writing early in the morning and late at night. Who needs sleep? I know I am not the only author in this situation.

I reached out to Katie Frey to ask her about being an author and a mom and the challenges that brings. Katie is a mom to two girls, Lucy (age 4.5) and Matilda (2), and the stepmom to Tim (17). She has a “day job” working in her family’s business, Great Pretenders. The business was started and run by her mom and she has worked there for 14 years. She designs dress-up for kids and all the fun stuff that goes along with that. She is also wife to Francois.

If you are an author (or anyone trying to do “all the things”). Read our interview below.

Jennifer Franz Griffith: What made you decide to become an indie author?

Katie: As of two weeks ago, Nearly Wed was still in consideration with a big publisher. But I self-published anyway. I was spending all my time reading about it, and learning about it. I loved the challenge of trying something new (I'm an entrepreneur at heart). But the biggest reason? Control.

I have really poured so much of myself into this book. Nearly Wed is about Ellie, who survived multiple brain surgeries (as have I). Nearly Late, the prequel (which I wrote afterward), is about Jenny Dune, a character I saw even more of myself in. The thought of handing over these stories and having no control over the pricing/market, position/marketing plan, cover/blurb, distribution was too much for me. I'd rather be on a small scale and be authentic to exactly how I want the story told.

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.

JFG: As a mom with two small children and a day job, how do you find the time to write?

Katie: Finding the time to write is hard, but I'm quite sure this is something a lot of people face. I love my "day job" and I'm not trying to make writing a full-time money-making proposition, which I feel removes a lot of pressure from the work itself. So I'm grateful to be in that position, but I am faced with one reality: the more I write, the more I want to write. I'm driving my family crazy!

I am NOT a morning person, so waking up at the crack of dawn is not really something I have tried, although I haven't ruled it out. So far, I write with sprints and blitzes, kind of on a "reward basis". (Example: I'm going to fold and put away two loads of laundry, then I'm going to do a 20-minute sprint.)

I try and write an hour before lunch, spend about 30 minutes honing my newsletter (it's new so I'm really excited about it), then work on my "real job". Then at 17:30, I do another 30-45 minutes of writing if I can manage, depending on the kids.

On the weekend, I carve out at least 2 hrs to write (usually during Matilda's nap time). It doesn't seem like a lot when I write it all here, but if you add in the soccer games (I write while my husband watches soccer at night), it does add up. I've never been so excited for a Eurocup or whatever they are called, with matches all the time! I have to watch myself to make sure I'm still leaving time for Francois and my other "real person" friends. Otherwise, I could fall down the rabbit hole of talking to critique partners and friends I've met on bookstagram for hours.

Lastly, it feels weird to say it, but the lockdown has really helped my writing. We can't go anywhere or do anything, so I have more time to write!

JFG: Do you have any tips for aspiring authors who have children?

Katie: It was May 2020 when I made the decision to make writing a priority. I've wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. I'm an overachiever, so it was a goal I was afraid to say aloud. The chances of success were low, really low, and I knew it. If I didn't try, I couldn't fail. So the dream of writing was a dream just for me, tied up pretty in a bow.

Then I had a milestone birthday. I reread a few pages that I found on my laptop (saved down when I turned 30 omg). It was pretty good. I decided I'd had enough of "talking about being a writer". I gave myself one year to "be" a writer.

Until this point, I had a lot of reasons I couldn't write. I'm too busy. My job is hectic. I couldn't possibly take on one more thing (especially something frivolous). I was worried writing would be an expensive hobby (which so far it kinda is). But I had to try.

My biggest tip for people with kids who want to write? The one thing I did right from the start since making the decision to try?

ASK FOR HELP.

I couldn't have written and edited Nearly Wed (or the 3 other books I've written in the space of the year) without the support of my mom and husband. Francois is the one who takes the kids for a weekend so I can have a writing retreat. The one who steps up and cooks dinner more often than not so I can have a shot at living the dream. Doing this alone would be really hard.

The second tip?

GET AS MANY EYES ON YOUR WORK AS YOU CAN. I have had tremendous luck with an awesome team of Beta Readers, and I'm putting together an ARC team. I'm just starting on this journey, so I'm not too concerned with actually selling books. Right now, I'm concerned with making the best book I can, which means getting as many eyes on it as possible. Superfans of the genre. Avid readers. Professional Beta readers. I've done it all with no regrets.

Last Tip;

JUST START. Don't edit your first draft. I have a few writing partners that suffer from impostor syndrome. Worse, I have a few more that never get past the first three chapters because they polish every sentence to death. Get your first draft down. Find a partner. Workshop it. But remember, you can't polish what isn't there. No one needs to read your first draft but you. Just get it down.

JFG: How do you deal with the mom guilt we all feel sometimes?

Katie: This is a hard one. My kids are the light of my life (as I'm sure many of you would say). The girls are at such a cute age, it's hard to pull myself away. But I have to try. I have to believe in myself enough to make writing a priority. How can I expect my kids to believe in themselves if I can't do the same? So I'm writing. FOR my kids.

I also think I am a better mom because I'm happier. Every time a person sends me an email or Facebook message or IG dm, even with just a few lines (even something simple like "I almost finished your book sooo good), I'm excited. When "Mia" left her review on Goodreads I smiled so hard I nearly broke my face. I was so happy! I think when we are being our truest self we can be the best iteration of a parent, and for me, that means writing.

I can't feel guilty about being who I really am.

JFG: With all the momming, wifeing, working, and writing, what do you do for self-care?

This is a big question. I do not like exercise. I have done a fair bit of it, but I don't like it. I've run a LOT. Half Marathons. Marathons. You name it. I even did the Marathon de Sables a few years ago (before I have kids). In all this time exercising, I never once felt the elusive "runner's high".

I've decided I don't even like people who say they've felt it. Those people are the worst. Seriously. Keep that shit to yourself, some of us are SUFFERING.

Since moving to Switzerland from central Canada (where things are more or less flat), my running has been an easy thing to take off the to-do list. But around the same time I started writing (May) I took up "runwalking" *yes, not a term, but my running is so slow I feel I need to add an asterisk. I try and go out 3 times a week, walking/running. I listen to the Outlander Audiobooks as I go (which are AHMAZING BTW). About 2 weeks ago I signed up for the conqueror challenges (they were spamming my IG feed), and I'm having fun with the "great ocean road" challenge. So who knows. Maybe I will also add "get mildly fitter" to the list of things to do this year.

I also spend a night a month singing karaoke with my neighbor (and by karaoke I mean sitting outside freezing on our terrace with youtube karaoke) and by once a month I mean I've done it once in the last 3 months but it was heaps and heaps of fun, and I plan to do it more to give my brain a break.

JFG: Anything else you would like to share?

Katie: What I write about?

It's not a secret that I write romance. But I find now, having written 3 books and 1 novella, that a massive theme in my writing is identity. It's funny when you write, how much of yourself can come out on the page. I find that I'm fascinated with lying. With love. With how honesty plays into love, and the things we do to justify desire. Central themes in my work are: 1) If you lie about who you are, when you assume your new persona are you actually giving yourself permission to be more yourself than you'd ever otherwise dare to be? When you remove your name from your identity, are you in fact more yourself? If you fall in love with someone while pretending to be someone else, and the love is reciprocated, is it real?

I find that when I add these same questions into different characters, the stories are so different, but it's a question I'm obsessed with.

Find me on IG: @romancceinthealps

Find me on Facebook: kate.freywrites

Follow me on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Katie-Frey/e/B08XZNS6RB/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Katie-Frey/e/B08XZNS6RB/

https://www.amazon.ca/Katie-Frey/e/B08XZNS6RB/

Nearly Late Novella:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08X1716HY

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08X1716HY

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B08X1716HY/

https://www.amazon.de/dp/B08X1716HY/